The other night I drank gin on an empty stomach. The following is an account (lightly edited for readability) of me trying to make dinner and write about it.
this is some dim sum I got in Charlotte about a week and a half ago
What we have here is some chicken feet, a sesame ball, a pork bun, and some kind of tofu cake thing, all of these were pretty good. The tofu was probably the worst though. no. the chicken feet…they had a good taste to them though.,,,
Who needs to take iron supplements when you got a knife like this?
This is the inside of the pork bun. I have no idea what I’m going to do with this.
Feng Zhao, also known as Phoenix Talons, also known as Chicken Paws
Just chop it up real good. I accidentally just licked my fingers.
I would advise using a crappy knife to cut up the chicken feet…or a really nice sharp butchers knife, ’cause there are a lot of little bones in this things. I don’t have nice anything, so I used a crappy old rusted knife.
Sesame goo ball.
I microwaved this sesame goo ball to make it a little better. I burned my mouth and my fingers eating it, so I just ate the rest. I can’t think of anything to to with this anyways. Sloptart Appetizer, I guess…
okay, I think this is coming together. Miraculously, I had all of the things to make some kind of stock in my fridge. Chicken foot stock.
this pot is way too small
this pot is appropriately sized
This looks pretty good, right? I mean, I had almost forgotten that this thing was made of chicken feet.
ALL OF THIS SMELLS SO BAD. I just added a bunch of garlic paste. It smells maybe worse now. God this smells awful.
I strained all the vegetables and feet bits out and was left with a nice little stock
I just found a bag of rice, so I think I’m going to make risotto. Its brown rice. I hope that doesnt matter too much.
The trick to Risotto is that you just keep stirring. Stirring, and adding stock
dont make risotto this way, by the way
So, keep adding stock little by little until its all used up.
this rice is not cooked. it is hard and crunchy and very hot. do not eat this like this. Add water if you ran out of stock
also, if the rice isn’t cooked all the way like this, just start pouring water in instead
this is taking forever.
After about 2 hours of stirring I am sober and the rice is edible…so I put it back in that little pot I had before that was too small for everything else.
THEN I took all the extra dim sum stuff and chopped it up
This was a legitimately shocking discovery
I cant even talk about that pink stuff on top. I really thought all of this was just tofu. If you know what that pink stuff is, please leave me a comment.
okay, now “stir-fried” the diced pork bun and the sliced tofu-pinkmeat until it was browned and crispy
THEN DUMP ALL OF THE RICE/RISOTTO
And garnished with an extra Feng Zhao on the side.
This was oily and delicious and took way too long for it to basically just be rice.